Barely Surviving

I've never been one of those super-energetic, go-get-'em kind of women. Little things tend to overwhelm me and I like my life to fit in nice, neat categories. Obviously, motherhood has been a stretching experience for me. I get exhausted easily, I tend to get stressed over the silliest things, and if things don't go my way I get discouraged and depressed very quickly. Add to all of that the fact that I have chronic daily headaches (worsened during pregnancy) and a body that doesn't handle pregnancy changes very well.

This week has been a doozy.

Actually, the past month has been extra-challenging but it all peaked this past week. Let me put it in bullets:
(Okay, nevermind, my bullets aren't working.)
- About a month ago, Shiphrah caught a cold. Not bad, but annoying.
- A week later, Kirk had his weird rash thingy, which resulted in a doctor's appointment that told us nothing.
- Because of the doctor's visit, Kirk came down with a cold. He was miserable.
- A week later, Kirk was better but Shiphrah started getting the sniffles.
- All of that translates to this week: both kids with a horrible, nasty cold.
- (Oh and in between all that Kirk got a couple more teeth. Yay.)

Okay, so that covers the sickness aspect, right? Add to that the personalities of my two munchkins. Let's just say they are not laid-back, in the least. (Not surprising considering their mother isn't exactly chill.) Shiphrah is my stubborn 2-year-old. She can be such a sweetheart when she wants to be. She can be pleasant, polite, helpful, and well-behaved....sometimes. But when she is sick, tired, or just grumpy in general, she is a TERROR. Because of her cold, she has been very emotional and stubborn the past week or so. Thursday through Saturday I swear I could have spanked her every five minutes and still would have needed to spank her some more. Kirk, on the other hand, is very clingy. He's not very independent and prefers to be held or played with all day long. I kept expecting him to grow out of this, but he's a year old and still a Mama's boy. Normally I wouldn't mind this (and it really is endearing) but I am almost 6 months pregnant and carrying around a 20-lb baby is getting increasingly difficult. Plus with his teething and cold, for the past week the only time he is not crying/whining is when I am holding him. With Shiphrah, I can pop in a movie and that will entertain her for however long the movie is. Unfortunately Kirk has no interest in the TV whatsoever, so I can't even use that to get a short break.

Those two factors alone are enough to put me at the end of my rope, right? Well, I'm also 25 weeks pregnant. I don't want you to misunderstand...I love that God has chosen to bless us with so many little ones. I am so grateful that I don't struggle with serious pregnancy complications like some women; I know that's a huge blessing. But my 95-pound, 5-foot frame doesn't carry an extra human very well. My mother insists that pregnancy would be easier if I was in tip-top shape and maybe she's right. Either way, I have started feeling the serious aches and pains of pregnancy earlier and earlier with each one. With Shiphrah I wasn't uncomfortable (other than the morning sickness) until about 35 weeks (granted, she was a lot tinier). With Kirk, I was miserable by 32 weeks. With this little boy, I have been increasingly uncomfortable since 22 weeks. My stomach muscles are pretty much gone (I can't even close a door with my foot without experiencing sharp pains in my abdomen) and bending over is already very painful. Poor Avery has to vacuum the living room now because I can't push the vacuum through our thick-pile carpet without giving myself a bout of painful BH contractions. The baby is pushing on my intestines in a way that gives me bad cramps several times throughout the day (a strange experience I didn't have with the past two). Also, and probably the most frustrating of all the symptoms (and this will be TMI), sex is horribly uncomfortable. Last pregnancy I just dealt with it for the sake of my husband, but this time it's getting so painful we've been making love much less often and it's taking a toll on our relationship. I don't want to go into detail for the sake of privacy, but we could really use some prayer in this area.

Wow, I really didn't intend to spend that much time complaining, but there it is. I have half a mind to delete this whole post, but it really made me feel better to type it out, so I won't. I will end this post with some positive things:

- My husband is back to working afternoons! No more night shift!!! This week he's at in-service, so he's working 7-4, but next week he will return to his normal 2:30 to 10:30 shift. This is such a huge answer to prayer!!!

- Avery has been taking on a few extra off-duty jobs for extra money, and despite my fears, it wasn't that much harder to have him gone an extra day. And we're getting closer to paying off our credit card debt and saving for our minivan!

- We had a wonderful anniversary date on the 10th and I so enjoyed spending one-on-one time with my amazing husband!

- God is gracious and He will continue to show me mercy even when I don't deserve it. Despite my bad attitude and overall grumpiness, He still loves me. (And so does my husband, which is a miracle in and of itself.)