Sundays

Sundays are rather depressing for me. The church we're attending has been without a pastor for over six months now and has been steadily declining in health for over two years. We had all but decided to leave at the end of my husband's deacon term when the pastor left suddenly a month later. Since he was the largest part of our decision to leave, we decided to stick it out a bit longer and see if the church could recover. Half a year later and still no closer to finding a new leader for our church. I think we've decided to give the church a full year and then start looking elsewhere. I'm dreading that step though because my husband is rather picky about churches and a few of the things on his list make it very difficult to find a new church. All that to say, I miss being convicted, encouraged, uplifted, and inspired on Sundays. I miss learning something new every week and having that close fellowship of other believers.

Aside from church itself, the pre and post-church experiences are stressful in and of themselves: rushing around to get ready and then rushing home so that Avery can leave for work. And then while most others I know are enjoying relaxing afternoons with their families, I'm fighting the kids to go down for their naps and then collapsing on the couch in exhaustion while the piles of unfolded laundry stare at me. Yuck.

Anyway, sorry for the pity party, I know I just need to look for fulfillment in my personal relationship with God instead of relying on a Sunday morning "high." I've just had a hard time going without that after growing up with it for nearly twenty years.

I'm tired. Ronnie is still giving me a hard time at night and I can't figure out why. He screams at the top of his lungs every time it's time for bed but yet won't let me nurse or rock him to sleep unless I let him scream first. I know he's tired but he just gets so hysterical. And last night after he woke up to nurse around midnight, he threw a major fit after I unlatched him before he wanted to let go (I let him nurse for 20 minutes when he's normally done after 5) and wouldn't calm down until I nursed him again. You'd think he was 3 months old instead of nearly one.

Morning grouchies

It's 10-o-clock and the bad part of our morning is finally coming to a close. Before I was a mom, I loved mornings. The start of a new day, the peaceful morning air...........yeah, that calm doesn't exist anymore. In fact, it's anything but calm. Avery and I wake up groggy thanks to Ronnie's nighttime antics, Kirk (the 2-year-old) wakes up crying for his daddy, and Shiphrah wakes up whining about wanting a movie/vitamin/breakfast/whatever. I usually end up yelling at the kids in frustration and at my husband for not helping deal with the situation. Ugh, mornings are downright miserable.

I wish there was a way to change that, but I can't think of anything other than getting up before the kids. Kind of hard to do when one of them sleeps with you.

Despite the morning grouchies, I can usually redeem the day by the time the evening rolls around. Yesterday the kids and I hung out in the backyard: playing in their new sandbox and splashing in the baby pool. I also got the rest of the laundry put away and some other chores done after they went to bed.

But then 10-o-clock rolled around and Ronnie decided he didn't want to sleep anymore. I already let him nurse non-stop from about 2am on, so I was determined to get him to go back asleep another way. Yeah......that didn't work out so great. I'm hoping he's just teething and not creating a really bad habit.......

Today is the start of hubby's weekend. He let me sleep in for an extra hour this morning so hopefully I can keep my energy level up the rest of the day.

God is gracious

It's been so long since I've really blogged, I wonder if anyone is still reading over here. Give me a hollar if you are, so I know whether to just start posting notes on Facebook.

God is gracious and merciful. Every day he shows me more grace than I could ever deserve. That said, life is good and difficult and challenging and frustrating. And that's just in a 30-minute period.

Ronnie, who is 10 months old now, is still waking at least twice every night. Or I should say, on a good night he only wakes twice. Most nights it's at least three or four times. I'm exhausted and when morning comes I nearly always turn on a movie for the munchkins and go back to sleep for another hour or so. This is a bad habit I desperately want to break. Let's face it, it's just not good parenting to let a 10-month-old, 2-year-old, and 3-year-old have free reign of the house for that long. Just this morning my husband realized he had left his boot knife in easy reach for the kids to find. They didn't, thankfully, but it still scared me to think about what could have happened.

We started a vegetable garden for the first time this year. While I'm really excited about it, I'm realizing that tending to the garden and watering our newly established backyard is taking an extra hour every day that I didn't really have to give. Not sure what to do about that, except stay up an hour later at night, which directly affects the exhaustion issue. Speaking of gardens, how worried should I be about birds (cardinals, bluebirds, etc.) hanging out in there? I know they'll eat the caterpillars, but will they also eat my young plants and eventually my tomatoes? Right now they just seem to be playing in the water when I have the drip hose running, but that could change.

We seem to be in a cycle of sickness right now. Two weeks ago Ronnie got some kind of virus where he ran a high fever for six days. Friday the older two started running fevers. Thankfully they never seems as miserable as the baby but it's still hard to know they're feeling poorly.

I'm feeling discouraged and overwhelmed by everything I need to do but haven't gotten to. If I kept a running list it would be pages long. I get things done here and there but it seems like once I get a handle on one area (like the laundry), other things pile up. And when I get to those things, suddenly the laundry has gotten unruly again.

And Ronnie is already awake. The kid will not take decent naps anymore and he's nursing every hour and a half. Growth spurt, maybe? Whatever it is, it's only adding to the regular exhaustion.

But God is merciful. My children are nourished, clothed, and happy. My husband is the best partner I could have ever asked for. The house isn't falling apart and the dishes aren't piled higher than the top of the sink. We enjoyed a good rain last week, the first for us in 2011. God is holding my family in His arms and I am so undeserving.

Picture Post

Just a few pictures of my growing munchkins...

My beautiful 3 1/2 year old. Still not much hair but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll need her first real haircut by her fourth birthday.

Kirk just turned TWO. He's talking in phrases now and trying to do everything (and more) that his big sister does.

My baby is 9 months old now.  He's finally developed a taste for something other than mama's milk, although he spits out anything with much texture (other than cheerios) so I feed him a small bowl of pureed foods once or twice a day.

My handsome husband with his kiddos.

Our beautiful yard that we've been working so hard on for over a month now. Just a few final touches left!

I'm so proud of her!

Tidbits

It's embarrassing that I haven't blogged since November. Here's a little bit of what has been going on around here:

♥ My little girl turned THREE and is well on her way to being the brightest, most talkative, amd most contrary 3-year-old on the planet.

♥ My middle son turned TWO (I honestly cannot believe he's already that old!) this month and is starting to be interesting in potty training and over the course of a month has gone from speaking only a dozen words to speaking in phrases.

♥ My baby is almost 9 months old, although you wouldn't know it by how much he still nurses (all.night.long). I'm tired but he is the happiest baby on earth and loves following his older siblings around.

♥ We're using our tax refund to re-landscape the backyard. We added a paver patio and put bermuda sod down (yay for grass!). We also paid my FIL to build a shed for us. OH, and I got a new washer/dryer set!!

♥ Because of said landscaping, I am horribly behind in the housekeeping. It's impossible to start a project without letting something else pile up.

♥ I'm (surprisingly) still not pregnant. This is the longest I've gone between pregnancies and it's kind of nice. Probably has something to do with the fact that Ronnie still nurses 10 times a day and doesn't care for solids yet.

♥ Hmm...now I can't think of anything else. Mostly the same old, same old around here. Sorry for being so scarce!