Monday, December 21, 2009


Lately I've been craving human interaction. And not just surface-level, ingenuine small talk. Real, passionate, honest conversation about convictions, struggles, and life in general. I don't know if it's the fault of online social networking or the busyness that's bombarded everyone, but that kind of interaction is so hard to come by these days.

It's especially hard to find that kind of interaction with peers that you can count on for support and encouragement. To establish those kinds of relationships, there has to be a level of commonality and shared life experiences. For instance, my best friend is a newly married woman that I have known since third grade. However, she doesn't have children, she works outside the the home, and has different convictions in some areas of life. While I enjoy her company immensely and she is a great encouragement to me, I still lack that true commonality component that makes me feel understood and motivated.

Finding such commonality is made even more difficult by the fact that my family holds some convictions that are regarded as odd and unusual. While I know there are women out there that ascribe to the same views, they are few and finding them is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Lest you misunderstand, I'm not saying I can't be friends with women who disagree with me or are in different situations in life. I'm merely pointing out that desire we have to connect with someone who wholeheartedly supports our convictions and can be there as encouragement and an accountability partner.

Here are a few of the things that make my family a tough "match":
- we are strong Christians who are passionate in our belief that faith should be central to our lives and should affect every day-to-day action
- we strongly believe that birth control (in any form or fashion) is against God's original plan and that by allowing Him to control our family size we are honoring Him with the ultimate expression of Trust
- we believe that the wife's place is in the home, taking care of her husband and/or children, and that working outside the house (regardless of circumstance) should only be considered as a last resort after much prayer and Spiritual guidance
- we believe that the place for children to receive their education is at home and other forms of schooling are not nearly as beneficial for a child's growth and development
Addendum: We do not judge those who believe otherwise, we just believe that God hasn't yet revealed to them that particular truth. Kind of like the verse in James states - "to those who know to do good and do not do it, to them it is sin." If we were to not follow any of these convictions, we would be sinning, but others whom God has not so convicted are not in sin. (Just, as my husband would jokingly say, "a little misled." )

Anyway, my closest female "ally," so to speak, is my mother-in-law. I love her to death, but obviously we're in different places in life so the support can only go so far.

So basically, other than this being a random conglomeration of everything I've been mulling over in my head lately, I was also curious as to how you ladies go about finding those "soul sisters." Other than your husbands, who can obviously support and encourage you in your daily lives, who else can you go to for that accountability?


  1. I'm in the same boat and have been for the last six years. A combination of depression, notoriously social ineptness, constant worry about saying the wrong thing, growing dis-similarities amongst old friends and an awkward sense of humor. My only true soul-sister these last few years has been my mom. Which is both awesome and sad. I've really been bothered by this lately, too. Should I outlive my husband and my children move far, far away, will I be doomed to become the lonely, little ol' lady who keeps company with hundreds of cats?

  2. I feel the same way you do. My best friend and I are at the same point that you and your friend are at. It almost feels like there is a gap there that wasn't there once, just because our positions in life have changed over the course of a year. It is hard finding someone outside of your husband that you can have those deep, personal talks with. It is difficult to cope with.

  3. While I am older than you, I have been where you are. I do understand your motivation and your loneliness. I lived there for many years. However, now I guess you would think that I am "misled". I believe God is bigger than the box I had Him in. He wants us to live in community with other believers of differing opinions and convictions for this is how we really find out what our convictions are. I learned my convictions were not convictions but guilt and burdens put on me by others. I have learned that God is like the father in the story of the prodigal son. He loves and celebrates his son who destroyed his life. And he loves his son who followed all the rules but wishes that his older son knew Him well enough to lighten up and enjoy life with an amazing, extravagant father. His yoke is light. I never understood that when I was who I was 20 years ago. I am now enjoying my wild God in a way that I never dreamed was possible.

  4. Well said! I am in the same boat.
    I could pretty much copy and paste this post to my own blog! haha!
    I am blessed to have a couple close friends who believe in the same core lifestyle values that I do. But two of them moved to different states with their husbands, so I can only see them a couple times a year. I have yet to find a close friend I can DO things with that lives around here! ( There are a couple wonderful gals at my church, but they are about 6-10 yrs. older than me and have too many kids to have much time to spend with me- which will probably be me someday)
    I am ever to greatful for my mother! Seriously, she is like my best friend.:o) And I am blessed to have the internet! lol I am so encouraged by other women, like you.
    It's tough because we are very few and far between.
    Thanks for writing this post!

    (You are a good writer by the way! :o) God has NOT blessed me in that area for sure. lol)

  5. I think the loneliness is just part of this season of life. It's hard to maintain anything but the essential relationships when you have small children. Makes me thankful for Wes, who understands this and is an even better best friend to me because of it. I'm sure you could say the same for Avery. We're in the same place, so I can't say for sure, but I'm assuming that it gets better the older our kids get. Hopefully? :)

  6. Emily, you might find the support and encouragement you are needing through your local MOPS group. It is an INCREDIBLE ministry comprised of moms of all different backgrounds and circumstances who have come together as part of an incredible ministry, believing that "mothering matters". You will likely find moms who share your same convictions, but will also find acceptance, support, and care from other moms who simply want to share friendship and do not judge anyone who doesn't necessarily share the same exact convictions. I am coordinating the Bulverde MOPS group this year and it is my 3rd year as a part of this life-changing ministry....I can't highly recommend it enough! I'm sure there is a group at Wayside ~ I think Addie has some friends who are involved there. Though I do not agree with your views on the issues you wrote about, I understand that it is very challenging to be the mother of pre-schoolers and there is definitely a need for friends to share this journey and season with...I have made some of the best friends I've ever had through is an incredible support group ~ we make meals for moms who need them, clean each other's houses, babysit for each other, our husbands have gotten to be good friends, we've vacationed together....just a huge blessing all around....

  7. I agree wholeheartedly with Denise and Katrina. Think outside the box. Join a MOPS group!!!!!!!